My Taiwan Adventure

I once dated a man who told me when we broke up that I was only hiding the bitch inside me. One must question the validity of such a comment coming from a man who had just slept with my best friend. He then said that anybody who took the time to get to know me would find the horrible person inside. That's the moment where I really stopped wanting to marry him. Unsurprisingly, there's still a pang of sadness when I think about the encounter but, I can almost joke about the experience. It was close to 10 years ago. He may have been right.

I was recently asked to write a small blurb about my life as a teacher here in Taiwan. In 200 words I'm to talk about any aspect of my world that I like. I'm wondering how much is expected of me. My challenge as I see it is to maintain my integrity while not outright offending anybody. I certainly don't want to come off as a vile-hearted shrew but I don't want to otherwise mislead people either.

My first draft:

Like many foreigners I came to Taiwan for a change of pace and to experience a different culture. What I discovered was another world of bugs. I have a remarkably low tolerance for fleas, cockroaches and fast-moving poisonous insects. I'm allergic to mosquitoes and fleas. Apparently, I attract them.

I can guarantee you'll learn something from your students. My youngest students are the light of my life and the source of my latest skin disease, flu and cold. They like to sing, dance and make animal noises. They cry when anything frightens or frustrates them. I learned to draw larger. My mid-range students are a group of kids who like to say "I don't know" and then crack Taiwanese bathroom jokes. They cry when you show them a low grade. I learned ‘poop’ in Mandarin. My oldest students are bright, marginally ambitious and like to play games. They occasionally make statements that make me cry. I learned not to expect too much.

I have reaffirmed my belief that no matter where you are there will be people who lie, cheat and steal. I spend about 50 hours a week inside 4 concrete walls without a view of the sun.

Here's where I run into problems. That constitutes 200 words and my journalism instructor was really really particular about sticking to length. I have all of the following left on the sidelines:
At least 30 hours a week I'm in direct contact with children from age 3 to 13. The rest of the time they stream around me screaming and playing as I try to lesson-plan. Sometimes they say hello or try and read my email. Most times they are amazed at the speed of my typing. (Somewhere over 60 wpm.) Sometimes they yell "teacher, teacher" but don't know enough English to follow that up with anything. As every mother knows when I'm not too tired it can be really endearing but when I'm tired I wish my school had an office. Most of them don't.
When the kids are great, they're really great and everybody leaves feeling like a champion. When the kids are brats I am the only one leaving feeling like a loser.

Things to remember:

• Never underestimate the value of your presence in the front window when a parent walks by.
• Lessons can and do change within 2 minutes of the bell ringing.
  
• Always leave the Taiwanese a way to save face.
• You can say it's too hard for the kids or it's too much for them to learn in a day but never say 'no.'
• Positive feedback isn't Taiwanese.
• Validation comes from few places. It's best to have it within yourself.
• Don't ask for soy-sauce. (It's insulting.)
  
• Any Mandarin you do learn may or may not be understood.
• Point and grunt is universal. So is body language.
  

Taiwan's a country of great contrasts and often leaves me puzzled. They feed stray dogs here and then say nothing when other people kick them. They make rude comments about foreigners who may or may not understand Mandarin. Foreigners return the favor in English. English names on street signs aren't used by cab drivers. White men can date locals and white women can not. It's too complex to explain in 200 words.

People seemed puzzled why I was struggling with this article. Depending on how you do the math I earn beteween ... Okay - here I launch into a discussion of what my company does and doesn't do for me. It wasn't pretty. It's best not to try explaining.

I've learned how to spit like a local. I eat at the school twice a day. I don't pay for it. Alright now the article is just fizzling like some overdone slab of mystery meat on a night-market hotplate. I guess I'm in for a long-hard edit.

You know the great thing? It took me 2 hours to write this blog and nobody is going to send me e-mail about it unless I beg shamelessly by mentioning it in the last sentence. I refuse to beg. Email me, don't email me... I'm strong enough to take it.


I watched the sun rise over Calgary on cbc.ca tonight.

T. Destiny.
"I didn't say you should write me."

In all honesty every woman has a "secret" bitch inside them. However every man has that "secret" Bastard inside him also.

I've seen your bitch and she's not the monster you make her out to be. She's a person I respect abd I understand I've annoyed you enough for it to come out. I guess it's about taking responsibility for your own actions when you "hurt" another.

My two pence worth.  

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