My Taiwan Adventure

I work 24 official teaching hours a week. I am at school for almost 50 hours a week. I don't really have much of a life beyond Teacher T. I even think of myself as "TEACHER." I live, eat, work and breathe lesson plans, games and flash cards. I wake up at 3 am with ideas for classroom management. It's not entirely healthy.

Over the past 2 months I've been sick 80 percent of the time. I am obsessed with school and with my kids. I love them, I really do, but I wish that I could stop thinking of them long enough to go to the store without seeing something that I think would be great for school. I'm more willing to spend money on new markers for the kids than I am a CD for myself. Not that there's anything wrong with being generous but when did other people's children become my priority in life?

I think back to my time teaching the university students in the summer. It was a joy having them understand me and my explanations of vocabulary, particles and sentance structure. I remember the satisfaction that came out of their drama performances at the end of the week. I remember all these things and I think.

I think that maybe I am a teacher. And who said I was my job anyway? Maybe I just need to find a way to round out my life so that is not ALL that I am. It would all be easier in a country where I wasn't battling with culture shock, illness, and lonliness.

Ha ha... it is a trap and not even a clever trap. The grass is NOT greener. And thus I find myself chasing my tail in a kind of battle with depression - hating the rain and hating the inconveniences that I once found charming and interesting. I am the only one that can fix what needs fixing in my head.

Wish me luck.
T. Destiny

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