My Taiwan Adventure

This is a response to the Dr.'s writing here.

Have Taiwanese people told me to get a local boyfriend? No. Husband? Yes. Invariably they seem concerned when I reveal I'm not married. The follow up question is always "Why?"

While I'd have no problems dating a Taiwanese man, I have to find one that's willing to talk to me. This is harder than it might seem. I've tried both being coy and forward with no success. It seems that there's a level of flirtation here that never goes beyond looking. They admire you appreciatively but run away if you ever approach. The longest conversation I've had with one of these elusive men was "Goodbye" after we traded loaded looks over a very long coffee. Maybe they're just not confident about their ability to speak to foreigners?

The men I've come across are: not interested, eager to impress but not talk, or just annoyingly eager. The two local men that did initiate conversation in the last year both became rather obsessive. One guy sent me an "I love you card" via e-mail 3 days after I met him. The other one called me day and night always asking if I was okay.

I've met my share of wierdo's in Canada too, but at least there I had the opportunity to find out that they WERE wierd. Here, when you don't have an opportunity to really date, things just seem permenently odd. During my first month in Taiwan I was snapping photos in the park of Kaohsiung's Love River when a man offered me money and pointed to his crotch. Since then I've been told that it could have been a complement. (I'm still puzzled by that take on the situtation.)

Taiwan can also take a real kick at your self-esteem as a woman. I fit comfortably into medium clothing in Canada and sometimes even size small. Here I'm an XL or XXL. And just try and find nice shoes to fit big Canadian feet. The women here always seem to be impeccably dressed and made-up and even drive their scooter in heels! How do you compete with that?

The expectations of a woman's appearance here are incredibly high. I visited my friend in the hospital when she had her baby and her mother wanted to know why Western women always dressed funny. It was 35+ degrees and I was wearing shorts, runners and a T-shirt. My friend tried to spin the comment so it was admiring of how comfortable I must be, but I got the message. I should have made a special occasion out of the visit and found the one magical pair of high heels in the country that fit my massive feet and slapped on some makeup that doesn't evaporate in the hot humid summer sun.

Is it hard here for women? Yes. Is it harder for Western women? I don't know. A young local friend I have is 24 and beautiful. She has never really had a dating life here either. I look to the seperation of boys and girls in some schools at the junior high level and wonder how these kids learn to associate socially with the opposite sex when they're isolated.

The constant solitude here takes an effort to break-through no matter what your cultural background. At 24, my friend should have a healthy social life, but seems as alone as I am. Perhaps, after the culture shock, we are exactly the same as the locals. It could be a really small number of Taiwanese women that chase Western men, but it stands out because the men stand out. I came to teach, not to date, but it'd be nice to have a more rounded life. As you have said Dr., it's just easier to surrender to mediocrity. It's a big maze and I just do my best to muddle through.

Thanks for the chance for one last local ramble. I've got to pack, my flight awaits. (And no, the men didn't drive me away... the 'god' boss did.)

Great stuff. Enjoy freedom!  

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