My Taiwan Adventure

My students are innocent. Bystanders in an educational system that does not favor their actual education. They vary in their desire to learn the language from hostile, to ambivalent, to enthusiastic. It is my job, however they feel, to provide an opportunity to learn. If they fail, in the eyes of their parents, I have failed.



I read the book Schindler's List over the week. It has put into me a kind of cryptic analyzation of the way the world is running, and my role within it. While through his actions over a thousand Jews were saved from concentration camps, in the end of the book they talk with his wife who says that both before and after the war he was an unremarkable man. Outside that chaos people saw his drunken womanizing that betrayed his humanity. His talents were suited for the span of the war. I wonder what I could be capable of in extraordinary circumstances.

I look back at November and see the novel I have written and not edited. It isn't polished, it is rough an outpouring of words into nothingness. Nobody has read it, nor will they in it's current state. I wonder if I could really do something with it. There is nothing worse in the world than having "POTENTIAL."

Potential is the undeveloped mind screaming at its imprisonment in an ordinary world. My world isn't ordinary. I am not ordinary. So, where do I go from here? I glance over at the Dr. who is organizing his life using a self-help book. It's marginally appealing but not quite my style. Within the structures of organization I feel restrained rather than liberated. I am at home in my own chaotic brain of half-finished ideas where only I can see the future. And dimly at that. Perhaps I am my own fool.

A Calgarian asked me today, "will you repatriate?" The answer is no. Not in January 2006. Unless something drastic happens, I can not see myself trying to fit back into corporate culture. At the moment, the idea of trying to fit into the mold required at my old career frightens me on a level that I can not convey. It isn't fear so much as a sense of dread and loathing. While I have less money and less time here, I feel I'm doing more with it on some level that is important to my development.



This weekend I went to the ballet and met some ladies who may refer private students. I read a book and I jaunted briefly into Taipei. I didn't go to the stables that was holding an equestrian event as it felt too much like a betrayal of my annual pilgrimage to Spruce Meadows. The ballet itself was interesting but not terribly grand. I tend to agree with this review.

So again, my dear reader I have subjected you to my stream of consciousness. I am less than discrete with my thoughts these days. Thanks for persisting!

T. Destiny

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